by YMG and SB
DISCLAIMER: We have no idea whether Orlando Bloom is Jewish or not. We don't care. But we thought it was an interesting idea to write about.
Chapter the First!
Orlando Bloom was confused. Most all the other little boys living in his town were celebrating the joyous festival of Christmas—prancing through the snow, caroling, decorating trees, and going to mass.
But little Orlando Bloom was different…and how different.
His birthday was coming up in less than a month, and he was working hard. This wasn’t just any birthday—it was his thirteenth birthday and his Bar Mitzvah. Because Orlando Bloom was a little Jewish yingl. And not only was it his Bar Mitzvah, but it was on a special day: Shabbat Shuvah, a day filled with extra-special prayers. Everyone would be counting him to live up to his family’s honor. His father would be so proud!
Orlando was about to become a man!
It was going to be the year 1990—a new decade was coming, the last before the new millennium. As his grown-up self, Orlando was going to face the nineties with a new attitude towards life. No longer would he be pushed around by bullies and rejected by girls; he was about to get his braces off.
Orlando was frustrated. He wanted to go frolic in the snow. Alas, he could not.
"But why?" he often asked his mother, "Why must I go through this torture? Why can’t I just be confirmed like all the other boys at my Catholic school? It’s not fair!"
"Ah little, Orlando," sighed his mother Sonia, "You remind me so much of your father—so rebellious, such a feisty little child…."
"I’m not a child! I’m a man!" squeaked Orlando in his cracking pre-pubescent voice.
"Oh--not quite yet, " she chuckled, patting him on his head, which barely reached her shoulders, "Don’t you want to be different from all the other boys?"
"NO! I don’t want to be different! I want to be just the same; it’s no fun being different."
"But you are different, Orlando. Someday you’ll come to realize that, and accept it for what it is."
"But it’s not fair!" Shouted Orlando again, stomping his foot and clenching his fists tightly.
Sonia rolled her eyes, "You say that so often; I wonder what your basis for comparison is?"