can be read here
CHAPTER 2
YMG: Creatively called ... chapter two ...
MMLS: I would rather have that than the "creative title"...
Legolas let go of her hand and turned towards Arwen. "I didn't know you had a sister; it's strange we haven't met before."
YMG: She's been in rehab for the last thousand years.
MMLS: No, it's the insane asylum... Gods... we keep her locked up!
YMG: No, Mr. Rochester can't be married!
Arwen laughed out loud. "Elwen is always away at school.
JLP: Breach of Canon... Meeeeeeep!
MMLS: Oh gods! That sounds like an AIM line...
YMG: *laughs* Elwen does go to juvy.
Last time you were here I believe she was in Mordor...I guess I forgot to mention her."
YMG: Mordor High? *dies laughing*
SB: Only on Fox 5!
JLP: (as Elwen) Hi, Mr. Dark Lord, sir! I'd like to apply for
an internship in your fortress of DOOM, please!
MMLS: Wait, she goes to a school in MORDOR? *confused* I didn't know
that Sauron was a teacher...
"You've been to Mordor?" Legolas asked, eyebrows raised slightly.
JLP: I second that motion!
MMLS: (as Legolas) Isn't it like a really expensive resort?
Elwen nodded quickly. "I was there for a year studying, then I went to Isenguard."
YMG: Je. Vois.
MMLS: Is that even possible?
JLP: "Isenguard?" Tolkien is rolling in his grave.
MMLS: (as Elwen) I was like studying like English *giggle*
YMG: So ... Elrond sends his daughter to study in Mordor. Intersting
...
"Elwen can never be in the same place for long" Arwen said with a laugh.
JLP: They always kick her out.
YMG: She has a bad habit of sleeping with the teachers and then, well,
stuff gets around, and ...
JLP: And then she left. The end.
MMLS: See, her grades were as low as Kate Bosworth's!
"It drives my father crazy,"
JLP: *singing* He drives me crazy! OH! OH!
MMLS: I would imagine so. If I were their father, I would have shot
myself...
"And how is Lord Elrond?" Legolas questioned politely.
YMG: Have you noticed how *polite* these people are?
SB: I think she needs a thesaurus.
MMLS: (as Arwen) Oh, he's just fab! He's practicing his ABBA
moves...
Aragorn clasped his shoulder "let's go talk with him and see. We were just headed there when we found you anyways."
JLP: (as Aragorn) Oh my Gawd Arwin and I is making out *smooch*
Anyways lets go LOL!
MMLS: (as Aragorn) Yes, let us go and visit Lord Elrond after
a short stop... Bedroom, Legolas, now!
YMG: *sweatdrop* Anyways, let us go henceforth.
Legolas turned and followed the ranger towards the city.
JLP: What a helluva town!
MMLS: I'm so confused at the location of this place *sighs*
Aragorn and Arwen held hands as they walked, talking about the upcoming wedding.
YMG: Oooohh mmy god! Make it stop!
MMLS: Wait, is this AFTER Lord of the Rings? Or before?
Elwen lagged behind- unsure of what to say.
JLP: Improper use of dash! Self-destruct!
MMLS: Since when does she EVER know what to say?
She studied Legolas's back in Qfascination.
SB: What a green back you have!
MMLS: You know what? Ewan McGregor has a GREAT back. NOT Orlando
*shudders*
YMG: You watch that movie ENTIRELY too much ...
JLP: What's Qfascination anyway? Is it an anti-depressant?
SB: The new little blue pill?
BTBS: More like a jagged little pill...
JLP: Hahaha. Very funny.
He was wearing a bow
YMG: And it was pink and sparkly, and---
along with a quiver full of arrows. Two long knives were also holstered on his back.
YMG: you mean they weren't *in* his back.
MMLS: 'Tis a shame. But I am willing to remedy the situation...
All his weapons
JLP: Of mass destruction!
MMLS: Shouldn't he be in an immigrant detainee camp then?
had intricate elven designs engraved into them. Elwen hadn't seen such craftsmanship since Lothlorien.
YMG: Oh yeah, I remember Lothlorien. Back in '66 ..
SB: ... with the 15 kegs. Ah, the good old days!
MMLS: What exactly had the intricate designs? What WEAPONS are we
talking about? His sword?
YMG: I don't like men with too many weapons ... JUST ONE BIG ONE!
She reached out and gently ran a finger over the bow- feeling the design.
YMG: *alarum bell* Sketchy alert! Sketchy alert!
SB: Oh, Legolas! What an ... intricate ... design ... you have on your large,
large ... bow!
JLP: Legolas! Put your bow away *now*!
MMLS: Wait, he had his -bow- out? EEEEEWWWW!!!!!!!!!
Legolas turned around quickly and shot her a questioning look.
JLP: I would be a little shocked if someone was stroking my bow... Wait,
that doesn't work.
YMG: (as Legolas) Why are you stroking my bow?!
MMLS: How would he feel it if she was touching his bow? Is it grafted
to him?
SB: *I* think we know the answer to that one ...
"I was just admiring your bow" she said, feeling embarrassed.
YMG: Yeah, she should be ...
SB: "admiring your bow" ... *snickers*
MMLS: Yeah, it was so... umm... intricate...
Wordlessly, Legolas reached behind him and gracefully pulled out his bow, handing it to her.
YMG: WHOA! Steady there, fella!
JLP: Elwen might be Mary Sewage, but she's not that attractive!
MMLS: *dying of laughter* LEGOLAS HAS A DETACHABLE ... BOW!!!
Elwen took it- startled at how light it was.
YMG: And teeny tiny!
JLP: Too much information.
MMLS: Well, we also know that Ewan's isn't ... *daydreams*
She examined it closely as she walked, realizing there was elven writing on it.
YMG: a tattoo?
JLP: That's gotta hurt!
MMLS: *shudders* What's the use of the tattoo there anyways? It probably
has "Aragorn's" written in Elvish.
"To my only son- May your aim be steady and your fingers quick" she read out loud.
YMG: Oh. My. GOD!
JLP: That's *twitch* not *twitch* right *twitch*...
MMLS: WHOA... *covers ears* NOT LISTENING!!!!
Legolas turned, looking surprised "You can read?" he asked softly.
JLP: You can fly!
SB: ROFL
YMG: No, she was guessing.
MMLS: Well, it's not hard after those introductions...
SB: I used Treebeard's Hooked on Phonics!
Elwen nodded proudly "3 languages, and I can write 2!"
MMLS: Oh! I beat that!
JLP: WHY did she have to use numbers?
Legolas just stood there, looking shocked.
ALL: *SHOCK!*
SB: Zzzzap!
JLP: Everyone is shocked in this story. Is there static in the air
or something?
"Do you practice archery as well, Lady Elwen?" he asked, sounding rather amused.
YMG: Let. Me. Guess ...
Elwen nodded "I was taught in Lothlorien by Haldir." Legolas's eyes widened. "You know Haldir?!"
YMG: This is a game. It's called Middle-Earth name dropping.
SB: (as Legolas) But ... but ... Haldir's MY boyfriend!
JLP: Oh, she KNOWS Haldir!
YMG: (as Legolas) OH! So THAT was his name!
Elwen nodded again "I think I like your bow better." She admitted softly.
YMG: ...
SB: ... yeah.
JLP: Point proven.
Legolas reached behind him and quickly pulled out an arrow.
BTBS: Wow, he's more flexible than I am!
"Try it out" he said with a slight smirk as he handed her the arrow.
JLP: O_o
YMG: Try WHAT out?!
Elwen readied the bow gracefully and aimed at a far away tree.
YMG: It shot straight and spliced Legolas' arrow cleanly in half.
Oh. Wait. Wrong Mary-Sue fanfiction ....
She let the string go, and watched in amazement as the arrow hit the mark exactly.
YMG: Surprise surprise...
JLP: Wait? So there's a convenient target on a tree? Kind of like
a convenient weight in the Main Hall.
YMG: Gawd! Didn't you know that every tree in Riverdale Rivendale
Rivendell has a big multi-coloured target on the side? I mean, it's not like
the elves do anything else ...
SB: Than use their bows ...
YMG: Oh baby, baby!
Aragorn let out a low whistle
YMG: Suuu-eeee!
"remind me never to get on your bad side"
MMLS: (as Aragorn) 'Cause I'm already on Legolas' bad side
because of this entire Arwen thing-the jealous little bugger-and it's not
fun!
he teased as she handed Legolas his bow back.
YMG: She returned it because it wasn't the size she ordered.
The prince
JLP: Generic prince #1.
just stared down at it for a moment before putting it away. Arwen laughed "you're never going to find a man to marry if you fight better than he does" she teased.
JLP: i, hate how the Author seems to forget the rules! of punCTuation
and CapitalizatioN in thiS fic ,
YMG: I love how these authors are still stuck in that "boy/girl/cooties"
phase - boys are sooooooooooooooooo mean n stuff!
Elwen shot her
YMG: And then Legolas?
a nasty look
JLP: *sighs* Eyes dart glances and find, gazes lock, shoulders
retreat-
YMG: Thoughts flash!
JLP: -people stop dead, and looks shoot. What's next?
YMG: In a fortunate turn of events, Elwen's shot backfired, blowing
her brains out.
ALL: YAY!
"unlike you, dear sister, I do not wish to marry."
JLP: (as Elwen) I don't WANT to grow up!
SB: I want to become a Jedi master!
"Don't let your father hear you say that" Aragorn warned
JLP: Bum bum bum...
YMG: Because in such a primitive society, we do not tolerate such
outbursts. So there.
"He keeps talking about how happy he will be when both of his daughters are wed."
JLP: OC Elrond. Pweesh.
YMG: Is this the generic "father?" It seems to pop up a lot.
"I'm afraid my father will never be happy." Elwen muttered as they continued walking.
SB: Because you're not allowed to be gay in Middle-Earth.
Aragorn and Arwen went back to holding hands
JLP: The farthest they've ever gone next to making out non-stop.
YMG: Anything else would be "discusting."
and chatting
JLP: *singing* Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a
little, CHEEP! CHEEP! CHEEP! Talk a lot, pick a little...
about the wedding.
YMG: (as Arwen) So ... the wedding ...
MMLS: (as Aragorn) What wedding?
YMG: (as Arwen) We're getting married!
MMLS: (as Aragorn) Oh. Yeah, that's right.
Elwen rolled her eyes- she couldn't wait until the wedding was over and she could travel back to Lothlorien.
YMG: And back to juvy.
Legolas smiled, seeing her annoyed look.
YMG: Everyone was happy if she was annoyed.
MMLS: I'm happy if she's annoyed.
"I see what you mean" he whispered with a grin. Elwen frowned "you think that's gross, wait until they start making out in front of you."
YMG: AAAH! I HATE Middle-Earth Middle School stories!
SB: Who talks like that? Seriously!
JLP: Look! Tolkien's ghost! And a knife!
SB: Awesome.
Legolas wrinkled his face in disgust. "I definitely don't want to see that" he decided out loud.
YMG: Die. Die. Die. Die. Die.
JLP: Following the chain of events, he just replied to "I'm afraid
my father will never be happy."
Just then the group was approached by a servant.
YMG: At tonight's performance, the role of "servant" will be played
by Ted Kaczynski.
"Lord Elrond requests your immediate presence in the banquet hall" he told Elwen. Elwen dismissed the man and frowned- she hadn't realized how late it was getting.
SB: ... and as soon as the full moon came up, she would turn into a
werewarg!
YMG: Elwen sure does a lot of frowning.
"We'd better go at once" she decided, and hurried towards the hall.
YMG: AND TRIPPED DOWN THE STAIRS AND DIED!
SB: *sigh*