... can be read here
*~*Chapter 1 - The Day Has Come*~*
SB: Welcome to the end...of low prices!
28 - February - 2000 : Noon
YMG: (as Sue) Dear Diary, today I got arrested for attacking
Elijah. But before the cops caught me, he scratched a deep cut into my hand,
and it's going to leave a scar that will last forever! *Sigh* Memories!
"Eustacia!"
SB: Bless you!
JLP: Bless 'meh little hobbit feet Mr. Frodo!
MMLS: I think it sounds like Anastasia. I also think that someone wants
to be a princess.
BTBS: We need a princess. Elijah's a major queen.
YMG: Well, I think it sounds like Euthanasia.
SB: I wish she could be euthanized.
YMG: No. We want her to die in pain.
Gabrielle called, shifting a pile of clothes
SB: That she had carelessly thrown on the floor before wild sex....
BTBS: With an Elijah Wood cardboard cutout with 3-D ... accessories.
YMG: "Xena! Come quickly!"
in her arms as she rapped loudly on the door.
SB: *raps* Yo, yo, yo, door.
MMLS: Hrm ... SB, you shouldn't rap.
JLP: It's just...WRONG.
BTBS: WAVE YO' HANDS IN DA AIR IF YA LIKE DIS SONG!
"What?" came the teenager's muffled and exasperated reply through her dressing room door.
BTBS: And through the gag on her mouth.
SB: (as Eustacia) Gawd, I hate when people interrupt me when I'm
trying on thongs.
MMLS: You are right. This -does- sound wrong... is there also a vibrating
sound coming from her room?
JLP: Don't. Even. Go there.
"Phone!" her assistant dutifully informed her.
SB: (as assistant) Satan, line 1, said something about wanting
to eat your soul.
MMLS: It's Elijah. Confessing his never-dying love for you.
YMG: (as assistant) It's your mother telling you to get home before
9:30 or else!
A few bangs
MMLS: *sings* She bangs, she bangs!
BTBS: OH MY GOD! IT'S WILLIAM HUNG!
and thumps were heard from inside the room
YMG: Oh, my!
BTBS: HELP! I'VE BEING TIED UP IN A BURLAP SACK AND BEATEN WITH A SPATULA!
JLP: Whoa! Didn't need to know that!
SB: IN BED!
along with a string of violent swear words in both English and French.
SB: Merde!
MMLS: Salope!
YMG: Your mom!
MMLS: I'm bilingual, and I don't mix languages when I curse...
YMG: So we can safely assume the author is not bilingual.
JLP: I only do when I run out of curses to say. . .or when I'm fresh out
of the loony bin. Ya know. Same thing. Hmm, I need to learn curses in Czech.
BTBS: I'm bilingual. My mother only speaks Spanish and she mixes languages
when she curses. She's been in the country for twenty-two years and the only
things she's picked up are "Fuck!" and, "No, she not here, I babysitter," for
when telemarketers call up. Damn those telemarketers. They're the Jehovah's
witnesses of the telephonic world.
Gabrielle looked at the door with a decidedly perplexed expression.
SB: (as Gabrielle) You know, I always knew there was something
masculine about that girl...
MMLS: (as Gabrielle) It's not -that- hard to open the door...
It was soon flung open
SB: Since when do doors throw things?
JLP: No, that's just passive. But since when do doors fling open?
MMLS: (as Eustacia) I. . . have arrived! *strikes a pose*
and a very stressed-looking girl was to be seen.
YMG & SB: I am having been passive.
JLP: Sounds like MMLS.
MMLS: I'm in the story? Wow... I'm scared now.
JLP: Wait... she's stressed? I'M STRESSED! GAH!
Her hair was in a messy ponytail and she was pulling a t-shirt on as she exited the room.
BTBS: That'll be five-fifty. A prostitute has to make a living, yah know.
SB: Her t-shirt was so tight, I could hardly breathe. On it were pictures
of Beethoven, Bach and Brahms. Those guys never looked so good. Especially Bach
and Brahms.
JLP: . . .wha?
SB: Nothing.
MMLS: Why didn't she open the door once she had her t-shirt on?
YMG: All the sluttier to greet you, my dear.
As Gabrielle glanced in, she could see that the dressing room was a mess... well it always was, but today more so.
SB: Eustacia had let out her pet muskrat!
JLP: Gosh, I hate it when they personify the Sues as messy, imperfect girls.
It's so bloody stupid, it makes me want to-
YMG: Yes. . . ?
JLP: -makes me want to-
YMG: YES?
JLP: -volunteer at a soup kitchen! Come, YMG, there's lots of work to do!
YMG: Uh, squeak?
"Fuck. Who is it now?
MMLS: Someone who wants to fuck? That -is- what she gets paid for...
YMG: Housekeeping!
Producers, managers, agents or journalists?
SB: Why don't we take 'em all on at once? *purr*
MMLS: Darling, even -she- is not that talented...
JLP: Great, so now she's a performing artist? *gasp* I'M A PERFORMING
ARTIST! CRAP! *fetal position*
YMG: Sure you're not a performance artist?
SB: Damn terminology ...
I'm never going to get my outfits for the fucking
BTBS: Because leather takes an awfully long time to stitch.
JLP:
Whoa! Didn't need to know that!
MMLS: Told you...
show picked out if people keep fucking interrupting, me!"
SB: Fucking fuck fuck!
MMLS: Do they interrupt the fucking? Or do they fuck while interrupting?
JLP: "Fuck this fucking shit! This fucking fic is so fucking fucked up."
Ha. Say THAT five times fast!
BTBS: Fuck this fucking shit! This fucking
fic is so fucking fucked up. Fuck this fucking shit! This fucking fic is so
fucking fucked up. Fuck this fucking shit! This fucking fic is so fucking fucked
up. Fuck this fucking shit! This fucking fic is so fucking fucked up. Fuck this
fucking shit! This fucking fic is so fucking fucked up. *feels accomplished*
Eustacia ranted in her French accent.
SB: But I am le tired...fire ze missiles!
YMG: Is "Eustacia" supposed to be a French name?
BTBS: Ugh... "Eustacia." Sounds like a laxative. Which makes sense. The biatch
has got verbal diarrhea and this entire story is utter crap and shit.
JLP: Okay, allow me to give my French-related rant. How does making the
girl French make her more special? It just means she was born in a different
country! And I'm sorry, French people do not use "Fucking." It sounds stupid.
And Eustacia ISN'T a French name! She could have chose "Françoise" or "Anne
Marie" or anything else. "Eustacia" is just some fucked-up way of making her
special. It's a rarely used name for ancient Greek! Not French! And, and, you
know what else? Hun? You know-
MMLS: Okay, that's enough for one day.
JLP: Auteur emmerdant. Elle est une salope.
to be continued ...