can be read here
Over the rainbow
YMG: This had better be a Gay Pride story.
SB: Or a Care Bears crossover ...
By DeeAurora
YMG: Is dat lyke de Derek Jetuh?
Prolouge:
YMG: Whoops! Another prolouge. Better get the sponge.
[for the sake of time, the lyrics to "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" have been removed.]
Lily heard the famialar song coming from living room.
SB: *bangs head on keyboard* Hey, even with my head I still didn't make any typos!
It was one of her favorites.
YMG: The others being "Macho Man" and "Vogue."
Her sister Kimmy happening to be watching wizard of oz for the millionth time!
SB: is that some sort of cheap rip-off of The Wizard of Oz?
She looked at her Legolas poster sighing.
YMG: Dude, I wish my posters sighed.
She wished she could be somewhere over the rainbow right now.
SB: Or at least in a gay club.
Her life was a mess.
YMG: Schooldays insane, life down the drain, etc.
TD: Remember, It's down the lane (Forearm), not across the street (wrist).
Her parents had died in a car accident just a year ago.
YMG: Mountain climbing accident!
SB: Shuffleboard!
Her being only 17 and still being in school she couldn't take care of herself much less her sister.
YMG: At least this one sounds a tad more realistic ..
SB: Not for long.
They ended moving in with Aunt and Uncle.
YMG: They of No Names.
Her Aunt and Uncle treated them like trash.
SB: Worse than trash, like New Jersyians!
Caring only of their own family.
YMG: And clearly not of complete sentences.
Their kids were spoiled little rich kids.
YMG: Did she mention that they were kids?
Always sticking their noses up in the air at Lily and Kimmy.
SB: It was a genetic disorder, gawd.
Their uncle always lashed out at them,
SB: With whips and chains
YMG: He must be an Argive Tyrant.
taking out his anger on them physically and mentally,
YMG: By forcing them to watch The Wizard of Oz a million times? O, teh horror!
but never laying a hand on his kids.
YMG: Gee, maybe they should call a hotline.
Lily dozed off with the song going through her head.
YMG: In one ear and out the other ...
Like the song she thought why oh why can't I.
SB: Get a job!
JLP: Get a date!
TD: Get a life!
YMG: Commit suicide.
TD: Down the lane, not across the street.
A/N: please please reveiw this is my first Legolas fic so be kind!
SB: Don't beg. It's not ladylike.
I need the feed back!!
YMG: Sorry, I threw it in the lake so I could get to the Inn.
A/N: please please reveiw this is my first Legolas fic so be kind! I need the feed back!!
YMG: Sorry, I already fed it to the chickens.
SB: And the comma monsters.
Chapter 1
Beep Beep Beep
YMG: Nu ma nu ma nu ma iei ...
Lily groaned
SB: Voluptuously?
as she rolled over
YMG: On her bed of nails
SB: In her grave. JRR, what are you doing here?
and turned the alarm clock
YMG: To stun.
off.
YMG: It was all a dream? Phew!
SB: She'd known it wasn't a good idea to have a quickie on a school night!
She stretched while wiping
SB: Does she still wear diapers
YMG: Please don't tell us.
the sleep from her eyes.
YMG: Sleep with one eye open ..
TD: So that's what she calls it ...
She sighed as she got up out of bed.
YMG + SB: *sigh*
SB: Like Scarlett O'Hara in the mornin'!
She walked over to her dresser
SB: Who was busy rearranging her wardrobe
YMG: A dresser? I thought she lived in a closet under the stairs?
picking out her clothes for school.
SB: Do I wear the little Gucci dress or the little Gucci dress
YMG: Yeah, she just rummaged through the hamper and took whatever smelled the least.
She decided on a purple baby doll tee with a big yellow smiley face on the front of it and a pear of jean shorts.
YMG: Doesn't Parappa wear something like that?
SB: She sounds like an eighties throwback
YMG: WAIT A SECOND! A PEAR OF JEAN SHORTS??????
She went to wake Kimmy up before
SB: KIMM-AY!
YMG: She went went
SB: No one ever suspected ...
heading for the shower
YMG: Re re re re re!
They always got up extra early so they could
SB: Suck some fresh blood before the sun came up.
leave before the rest of the family woke up.
SB: and made pancakes and general merriment while EXCLUDING them
JLP: The family was so so mean, they even used up all the hot water!
YMG: Never take sides with anyone against the family.
"Time to wake up sweety." Lily said softly in Kimmys ear while
SB: Doing naughty things to her.
gently shaking her.
SB: Is Kimmy a dog
YMG: She might as well be ...
Making sure she was awake
YMG: So they could leave before the rest of the family woke up?
before she went
YMG: went.
to take a shower.
YMG: Where's Dunbar?
Lily quickly took a shower.
SB: No WAY!
She lathered up the soap and washed her body
YMG: (as Pat Bateman) In the shower, I use a water activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine.
while the warm water relaxed her tense body.
SB: Why does this seem to be straight out of a porn movie
TD: Then the gruff but attractive Cable Man came in...all puns intended
YMG: And the saints cry.
She then washed and conditioned her hair.
YMG: It's sham Poo! Get it? Poo!
She got out grabbing her towel.
YMG: Dishrag, morelike
TD: And from the shadows, the Cable Man-
She quickly dried off, before getting dressed.
YMG: Quickly?
She then brushed her teeth
SB: I don't think she has any teeth. She's a pirate.
and then started brushing her long brown hair pulling it into a pony tail.
YMG: Ya har
SB: A ... nancing pony tail?
She looked at her dark brown eyes.
SB: Lyke, I totalleee need glassesssseseesses!!!
She had her mothers eyes and her fathers dark hair.
YMG: It's 'ARRY POTTUH!
She also had her mothers
TD: Penis.
petite slender body.
TD: Whatever you call it.
She was only 5ft1
TD: Aren't we cocky. All puns implied
YMG: Implied, or implode?
and wished she were taller.
YMG: Yep, definitely Harry Potter
MMLS: This sounds like Silver. Anyone remember Silver
YMG: Oh, the pre NP parody days ...
She took one last look at herself in the mirror before leaving the bathroom.
SB: I'm so sexy!
YMG: This mirror shows you only what you want to see ...
TD: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the angstiest of them all?
She went back into her room and sat on the bed.
SB: And she rocked with laughter at the lot of you!
YMG: And pondered the Meaning of Life. Part IV: Death. You Americans ..
TD: And by room, she obviously means yard, and by bed she means pile of leaves.
She then pulled on her socks and shoes.
SB: She's pulling up her socks?!?!?!
She went to her computer desk and grabbed her back pack
SB: o ne w o rd!
and her car keys.
YMG: For her Barbie Dream Car
TD: Oh how depriv'ed she is, they bought her a car. And its not like she got it from her parents, they died in a crash.
On her way out she stopped and looked up
TD: Her sister's skirt.
at her Legolas poster.
YMG + SB: *sigh*
TD: And recited a dark prayer to Satan...It went kinda like this...
"Mára mesta, nya melm"
TD: See, she invoked her dark lord and master.
(Goodbye my Love) she said.
TD: She's a witch. Bride of Satan, textbook case.
YMG: I could have sworn she said-
SB: I have a fat lizard in my pants?
She learned
TD: The dark tongue of the Heathen.
YMG: I thought that was a Bowie album?
elvish just for fun after she had seen
TD: The Exorcist.
lord of the rings.
YMG: Next, she was going to learn Klingon.
She knew it was silly talking to
TD: Satan.
a poster.
YMG: And yet ...
It was just something she did.
YMG: LIKE HER MOM!
SB: There's a nice little house in the country for people like you ..
TD: Because she had offered her soul to him in exchange for...Oh I don't know...(touches hand to head to boost precognitive powers) some sort of sexual exploit with Orlando Bloom, possibly in public.
She found her sister
TD: Shaghai'd by pirates, that renegade pirate ship captained by the ruthless, peg-leg Swan-Toon.
waiting for her in
TD: Bed.
living room.
SB: Passed out on heroin!
YMG: I thought her sister was still sleeping
TD: article is not necessary for writing good.
She quietly made her way to the front door and unlocked it.
TD: She then turned the gas in the stove as high as possible, and lit a few candles as..
YMG: It was time for the herd of rabid goats to come in for their breakfast.
They quietly made their way out
YMG: I'm about to quietly make my way out of this story ..
TD: Sealing them inside. The End...right?
before she locked the door.
YMG: The stealth.
She opened the driver side door and slipped in and hit the unlock button so her sister could get.
SB: Laid
YMG: Ah, the thought process of the fangirl ...
She put her seat belt on and then made sure sister did the same
YMG: Why are you copying me
SB: Why are you copying me
YMG: Buzz off!
SB: Did you say something
YMG: Did you say something?
before starting the car.
TD: Pointless detail.
SB: Please remember to pour orange juice in your gas tank
YMG: I love how their step parents are Tho Mean they buy this ungrateful dumbass a car.
It was relatively silent drive.
SB: Except for all the noise.
TD: It was best of times, it was worst of times.
YMG: Ssh, she's trying to mime us something!
Neither one of them were a morning person.
TD: Except for all that early morning stuff she does of her own free will.
SB: ...
YMG: They're both plural? I suppose it's a possibility ...
She pulled up to TimberLane Junior
TD: Satanic Cult Headquarters
school to drop her sister off.
TD: A bridge
SB: It sounds like they live in a Ski Resort
YMG: I'm just worried as to whether she ripped off of Timberlake, the brand, or Timberlake, the person ..
TD: Junior school???
"Ok sweety do you have your lunch money?" Lily asked.
TD: (As Sue) Cause I'm gonna need it back to go buy things for "The Ritual" tonight.
SB: Uh huh, I'm going to use it to buy cocaine!!11!!!!!
"I have it you gave it to me last night." Kimmy said.
YMG: IN BED!
SB: But you rillly made me work for it!
"Ok I love you and have a wonderful day"
SB: In Hell!
YMG: Thank you for choosing America Online!
Lily said giving her sister a peck on the cheek.
YMG: With an ICE PICK
TD: Love her in all her holes, maybe.
"I love you too sis and you have a wonderful day too." Kimmy said.
TD: As she ran off to sacrifice puppies to her Dark Master at uh...School!
YMG: She said she said and she said it and then she went and lost all her commas when she was mugged.
She waved as she pulled
TD: Out. All puns intended.
away.
YMG: Who waved
SB: goodbye, I'm about to drive off a cliff now byeeee!
She wasn't paying attention to the car that was pulling out in front of her.
SB: It's pulling out!
YMG: Nine out of ten doctors agree, this is not a successful method of MAKING A JOKE.
She stomped on the brake, but she was too close.
YMG: Too soon!
She crashed into the car and hit her head on the steering wheel.
SB: What did she do with the air bag? eat it for dinner? Sell it for coke money
YMG: Her evil!aunt and meanie!uncle took it away.
She didn't remember what happened next as the darkness swallowed her up.
YMG: *burp*
SB: When she woke up she though oh its just a dream and then Orlando was there and ...
Lily Groaned
SB: voluptuously.
as she opened her eyes.
SB: Why do my eyes hurt? You're using them for the first time!
She realized she was no longer in her car,
YMG: And no longer in her own dimension! Dun dun dun!
but laying down in some grass.
SB: And she could hear the highway breathing ..
YMG: One time, in intergalactic representative council summer camp, there was this guy ...
She sat up looking around.
YMG: Every now again I get a little bit closer ..
SB: I really should have take the blue pill ...
She realized she was in some kind of woods.
YMG: Why, golly, there's birch, and oak, and rowan, and ...
SB: Elijah Woods?
She heard the tinkling of
YMG: .....
SB: An orc taking a piss?
A creek near by.
YMG: *tinkle tinkle*
SB: And then she realized it was some homeless man peeing on her.
She heard some voices coming closer her way.
SB: All over the place!
YMG: We are VOICES! And we are COMING CLOSER!
She tried to get up but she was so dizzy she feel back down.
YMG: And then the beavers came ...
SB: She was in labor.
She heard the voices even closer.
YMG: We are EVEN CLOSER!
She watched in frieght
YMG: She's too cheap to get coach ...
as the figures came closer.
SB: No, the numbers are attacking me!
She passed out before seeing them come closer.
YMG: Is she narcoleptic?
That last thing she remembered was strong arms
YMG: Fabio
SB: No, it's Chyna!
picking her up.
YMG: And heaving her over a cliff
SB: Isn't this EXACTLY how the last story's chappie ended
YMG: They're a hive mind. You know that.