can be read here
Chapter 2
Lily squinted at the sun as she opened her eyes.
SB: Staring at the sun, staring at the sand. Killing an Arab ...
She panicked when she realized she was
SB: Naked!
YMG: in outer space
SB: Being raped by orcs?
on a horse, leaning against someone's chest.
YMG: Yahar, it be Pirate gold!
SB: A very butch woman ...
She looked around her surroundings in confusion.
SB: WTF, mate!
YMG: Dude, this is soooooooooooooo not the freeway!
She was in some kind of forest.
YMG: Didn't she just realize she was in some kind of woods
SB: A Dingleberry forest?
Toto we're not in Kansas anymore she thought to herself.
YMG: And I thought and I thought like I was thinking and then
SB: We're in Wisconsin!
YMG: They're in a little house on the prairie.
She jumped when a deep voice behind her spoke.
SB: I totally read that as spake ..
YMG: THIS IS THE END! ... of high prices!
"My Lady you have awaken." said Legolas.
SB: Morning has broooooooooken, like the first mooooooooooorining!
YMG: LEGOLAS has a deep voice
SB: Deep throat ...
"I am prince Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood."
YMG: And you are my unwitting sex slave
SB: Constable of Sherwood Forest
TD: Have you seen this boy?
Whoa she thought in shock, Legolas!
SB: Lyke, OMG!
YMG: Oh dear.
That means I am in middle earth!
SB: Look ma, no hands!
YMG: She can speak good. And probably knows how to do other things good too.
How is that possible she thought to herself.
SB: It's not
YMG: We know it's not possible that she thinks to herself.
This has to be a dream she thought.
SB: A wet dream
YMG: A dream she thought, eh?
She pinched herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming.
YMG: Welcome ... to the real world, Neo.
"Ow!" She said. "Guess I am awake."
SB: Yeah.
"My lady are you ok?" Legolas asked.
SB: Who're you calling Lady?
"Also you haven't told me your name and where you are from and what happened to you."
YMG: A/S/L?
"My name is Lily Taller and I am
TD: Taller than you
YMG: Sarah, plain and tall's cousin.
from another world
YMG: Transsexual, Transylvania.
a place called earth,
YMG: Sweet Earth, you might say. Round.
more specifically I am from Florida and
SB: More specifically I am from Boca.
the last thing I remember is
YMG: Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer doooo....
my car colliding with another car and hitting my steering wheel and then going unconscious.
YMG: And then there was this ball and this music and then there was David Bowie but he looked like Tina Turner and--
SB: A big cock.
"I have no knowledge of these things you speak of my lady."
SB: Except for the big cock
YMG: 404, brain not found.
Legolas said. " But have no fear for
YMG: Batman is here!
SB: Holy Bikinis, Batman!
I was on my way to Rivendell when I found you, Maybe Lord Elrond
YMG: is that her name?
can shed some light on this."
YMG: Moon letters ..
SB: Or at least give me some weed.
"Has the ring been destroyed." Lily asked.
YMG: Stab stab stab.
"She really hoped she hadn't dropped in the middle of that war.
SB: The Civil War!
YMG: The French and Indian War
SB: The Clone Wars?
"Yes, but how do you know about that?" Legolas asked.
YMG: Gee, Legolas asks a lot of questions
SB: I read it in de newspaperz.
"In my world there were books called
YMG: The Kama Sutra
SB: Justine: Or the Misfortunes of Virtue
Lord of the rings that told the story about its destruction." Lily said.
YMG: Well, the bonus of this sentence is that she used "its" properly ...
"How strange." Legolas said.
YMG: Said Legolas, Legolas Asked.
The sun was setting and Lily was beginning to get tired again.
SB: Because she was pregnant
YMG: Her period must be coming up.
She started to doze off again.
SB: Again
YMG: Because she was pregnant
SB: Again.
Not realizing it she wrapped her
YMG: Christmas presents in Hannukah paper.
arms around Legolas waist and
YMG: Gave him the Heimlich
SB: This sounds very BTBS.
snuggled into his chest.
YMG: Um, is he riding the horse backwards?
Legolas looked down at the tired woman snuggled against his chest.
SB: Look, he's breast-feeding
YMG: Not a girl, not yet a woman ...
He felt a feeling
YMG:A haha
SB: In his pants!
YMG: He has committed a Sense Offense!
SB: What a feeling!
YMG: I've neeeeeeeeeeeeever felt this way befoooooooooooooooooore!
stir inside him that he never felt before.
YMG: Disgust and revulsion
SB: He finally realized The Love That Could Not Be Named!
Of course he never had a beautiful woman snuggle up to him before.
SB: He was used to men
YMG: Who are you calling a woman?
He argued with himself about this.
YMG: Sister! Daughter! Sister! Daughter! She's my sister AND my daughter!
TD: He knew he should be attracted to her ... but somehow ...
He didn't know how long she would be around or if it was smart to feel this way about someone he really didn't know.
YMG: I'm sure he wouldn't do too well on Friendster
SB: Okay ladies, put on your no entry signs!
Lily woke up suddenly as the horse's movement came to a stop.
YMG: This is 42nd street, Times Square. Transfer here for the A, C, E, 1, 2, 3, 7, N, Q, R, and W trains, and the Shuttle to Grand Central.
She looked around at her surroundings.
SB: Again.
They had come out of the forest
SB: And out of the closet.
into a valley.
SB: Sweet Valley?
JLP: Sun Valley
YMG: Death Valley
TD: I don't see how that's geographically possible, but okay.
It was full of beautiful flowers,
SB: Poppies!
YMG: Why, Dorothy, you're in Technicolor!
Purple, red, yellow, blue, anything color you could imagine.
SB: Someone's on LSD..
YMG: I don't know what color Anything is.
She saw a waterfall nearby.
YMG: It was full of chocolate!!!1111!1!!!
She realized how dirty she was and how she longed for
SB: Sex
YMG: A needle.
a bath.
YMG: Either she's stuck in Fantasia or an episode of My Little Pony.
Legolas reached up to help her down off the horse.
SB: And he took her down off those columns, and how she loved it ...
she tripped on her feet as she hit the ground, falling into Legolas knocking them both to the ground.
YMG: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*continues forever*
SB: We have never seen that before never.
She looked up into the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen.
YMG: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever sceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeneeeeeeeeeeeee!111!11
She had never seen someone as beautiful as him.
YMG: Not even Brad Pitt!111!111
SB: Obviously she hasn't met me ...
The Legolas, Orlando Bloom played couldn't compare to the true beauty of the real Legolas in front of her.
YMG: CGI, go!
She jumped up suddenly blushing as she did.
YMG: She fell over and into the waterfall which was actually filled with pirhanas-
SB: and acid-
YMG:- and they ate her more fast then they eat lots of cows. The end.
She then saw her backpack on the horse next to Legolas pack.
YMG: OMG< it was leik a Power Rangers and she looooooved PowerRangers!!!1!!!
She jumped for joy as she
YMG: Died.
remember she had an extra out fit
SB: Quoi?
in in her backpack for emergencies.
YMG: I bet it's a SKANKY outfit
SB: What is this, the Animorphs?
A bath and fresh clothes sounded wonderful to her ears.
SB: In bed
YMG: But not to her brain so it turned off.
"Hey Leggy
YMG: Aaaah!
I am going to take a bath in the waterfall over there, ok." Lily said.
YMG: Okay dokay.
SB: Jessica 6.
"My Lady, I am not sure about that name you call me."
YMG: I only let my sex slaves call me that.
Legolas said with a confused expression.
YMG: You mean his normal expression?
"Please be careful My Lady."
SB: My fair lady
YMG: There are pirhanas, don't you know?
Lily grabbed her backpack before running to the waterfall.
YMG: Canonball!
SB: Bellyflop!
She squealed in delight when she found
YMG:That her life clock was clear!1!!!!
she had
SB: Turned into a pig!
some emergency shampoo and soap in her bag as will.
YMG: As will
SB: For douching at school.
She always knew it would come in handy some day.
YMG: I will be a real boy.
She stripped her clothes off as she wadded into the water.
YMG: [censored]
She quickly scrubbed her dirt from her body,
YMG: (as Kevin McCallister)I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap; including all my major crevices; including in between my toes and in my belly button which I never did before but sort of enjoyed. I washed my hair with adult formula shampoo and used cream rinse for that just-washed shine. I can't seem to find my toothbrush, so I'll pick one up when I go out today. Other than that, I'm in good shape.
TD: HER dirt, not anyone else's.
before washing her hair.
YMG: Wait a minute. She definitely had like 5 showers already today
SB: OCD! Unclean!
As she was doing this she was thinking about everything that happened.
YMG: Meaning nothing much.
She then remembered her sister.
YMG: Her daughter!
SB: She's touching herself and thinking about her sister?
Guilt overcame her as she
YMG: came.
realized she hadn't thought about her since she had found herself with Legolas.
YMG: Like 5 minutes ago
SB: In bed?
Oh no her sister was all alone with those rotten people that called themselves family.
YMG: They would decompose really soon.
Once she was out of the water she quickly dressed in a t shirt and jeans.
YMG: Commando?
She took the no washed clothes she had been wearing and hung them on a bush to dry,
SB: A Hannukah bush?
near were Legolas had made camp.
YMG: Were-Legolas
SB: Someone get a silver bullet.
She saw Legolas cooking something over a fire.
YMG: Brainzzzzzzzz!
SB: Kangaroo!
She noticed he had some blankets set out for the night.
SB: Just one, actually.
She sat down watching Legolas cook.
YMG: Or at least poke some burny things with a stick.
She started to sob,
YMG: He was that bad of a cook.
she couldn't stand the thought of her little sister all alone with those mean people.
YMG: Thooooooooooooooooo mean!
SB: le angst
ALL: THE BITCHES!
"My Lady what's wrong, why the tears?"
SB: Why the long face
YMG: Shu'p, it's medical!
Legolas asked as he put his arms around her.
YMG: Hold me closer, Tiny Dancer.
She then told him about her life and her little sister being all alone now.
YMG: Gravity all nonsense now.
She continued to sob as Legolas held her.
SB: Upside down
YMG:Booooooooooooo hooooooooooo hooooooooo.
"My Lady maybe Lord Elrond can help your sister." Legolas said.
YMG: STOP SAYING SAID!
SB: If I only had a brain ...
Once Lily's tears had subsided and Legolas was content she was ok he went back to cooking. He brought a plate over to her.
SB: He seems like quite the little housewife ...
YMG: Where is he getting all this stuff from?
"Here My Lady you need nourishment." Legolas said
YMG:STOP SAYING SAID!
as he sat down beside her with his own food.
SB: Dog food!
YMG: LEMBAS BREAD IS PEOPLE!
Lily didn't realize how hungry she was until she started to eat.
SB: Then she ate the tables, and the plates, and Legolas.
The food was delicious.
YMG: Remember, Tuesday is Soylent Green Day!
She wasn't sure what it was, but it was elvish food.
YMG: Which was slightly better than Chinese, but nowhere close to Indian
SB: Souls!
Once she was done Legolas took there
ALL: AAAAAAAAAAH!
plates and went down to the waterfall to wash them.
SB: Gawd! They have firekins but no dishwasher
YMG: It was at that point that Legolas noticed a little woven basket coming down the stream. OMG, there was a baby in it!!!11!!!! I better bring it to Pharoah.
Lily didn't realize how tired she was.
YMG: Lily doesn't seem to realize many things
SB: It was the drugs.
She lay down on one of the blankets it was so soft she feel asleep instantly.
YMG: But she only felt asleep.
When Legolas came back he too went to sleep.
YMG: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Sometime in the night they managed to snuggle close to each other.
ALL: *hiss* *boo*
They didn't realize they were holding each other through the night.
YMG: All through the night
SB: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaghghggeigeigiruoyiue0463409i90g9!
YMG: This is practically a madlib.
They just knew they had felt a comfort they had never felt and slept better then they had in a while.
YMG: Yeah, like a week or two
SB: *runs towards the open window*
The End