by MMLS
DISCLAIMER: As far as the official reports go, this never happened.
I don't know these people either. (If you, the reader, are either Viggo
Mortensen, Orlando Bloom, Sean Bean or Karl Urban, please email me. Honestly,
I'm not scary. Unless you want me to be.) Anyways, this is my crooked
imagination, helped by a couple - actually, more than a couple -- of REAL
inspirational photos/videos. Also, I know that some actors arrived later,
but I'm willing to overlook that for the fun of it. Right? I'm allowed? Actually,
I don't care if you allow me or not. This is MY story with MY plot and MY
interpretations of real people.
WARNING: If you have problems with guys flirting with each other,
getting together, breaking up and being NORMAL people with a sense of humor,
leave now and never come back. But then again, if you have problems with
gays, why are you even here?
Now, on with the show:
VIGGO exits the airport in New Zealand. He is dressed in black jeans,
black shirt and a white waistcoat. He carries a white duffel bag in his right
arm.
VIGGO: (to himself) Now, they said someone will be holding
my name up. Hmm… [He looks around, and finally spots a short man holding
the sign with VIGGO MORTENSEN printed on it in caps.] I guess that's
my ride. [VIGGO goes to the short chubby slightly bald man.] Hi! I'm
Viggo!
PETER JACKSON: Yes, I know. I'm Peter Jackson, the director, the guy
who hired you…
VIGGO: Oops, I'm sorry … I didn't recognize you.
PETER JACKSON: It's… okay, I guess. Nobody else did. Well, off you
go to that coach bus over there. We are just waiting for a few more people.
[With the last words, he pulls out a sign that says IAN MCKELLEN on
it. VIGGO directs his step westward, where the aforementioned bus
is standing. A chauffeur takes his duffel bag and puts it into the baggage
compartment. VIGGO thanks the chauffeur, and climbs into the coach
bus.]
VIGGO: (to himself) Thank god for air conditioners. [He fans
himself with both hands, not paying attention to anyone else in the car.
He is startled by a voice from the middle row of the bus.]
DOMINIC: Oi! Hot, isn't it? Hello there! I'm Dominic!
VIGGO: [in a suave voice] Hello, I'm Viggo.
DOMINIC: Oh, the Aragorn kid.
VIGGO: And you - the Merry kid. [They exchange smiles. VIGGO
sits across from DOMINIC on the bus. There are other actors, one for
two seats, who are sitting at the back of the bus. VIGGO waves shyly
to all of them.]
DOMINIC: [swinging his legs over the edge of the seat into the aisle.]
So, you ready for this? [VIGGO tilts his head to the side, asking a silent
question.] You are in the minority here.
VIGGO: [swinging his legs into the aisle to face DOMINIC] What
do you mean, Dom? [he brushes his shoulder length hair from his face.] You
don't mind that I call you Dom, do you? [he smiles flirtatiously, not showing
his teeth.]
DOMINIC: [grinning] No, not at all. Dom is fine. And you are in the
minority because there are not many Americans in the movie. Mostly British,
some Australian, and just a bunch of you from U.S. [he points as he says,]
Orlando and Sean are Brits, Billy there is a Scot, well, Liv is American,
but Cate is from Britain. Oh, maybe not. I forgot that Elijah and Sean there
are Americans too. Hmm… we'll ask the extras but I don't think that you are
in the majority.
VIGGO: Well, I don't see a problem in that, do you? [he takes of his
jacket and throws it negligently behind himself. He notices a sparkle in
DOMINIC's eyes.] And besides, I'm not really American. I'm part
Danish.
DOMINIC: [flirtatiously] Like a pastry?
VIGGO: Some think that I'm better than a pastry. [They stare at one
another.] Hmmm… he seems a little too eager to be any fun. Oh well! I need
some rest from those hard-to-get guys. Jeesh! Michael Douglas alone made
me work too hard. I did get him in the end, though. However, an easy catch
once in a while would be fun. [DOMINIC coughs. VIGGO snaps
his head up meeting DOM's eyes, and smiling seductively, licking his
lips slowly.]
IAN: [passing in between the two flirts] Pardon me, gents! Sorry
sorry… [He sits behind VIGGO.]
DOMINIC: Wow, what an honor! Sir Ian McKellen! How are you? I'm Dominic
Monaghan, surely you don't know who I am, but I know who you are and it's
so exciting! I just can't believe that we are going to be in the same movie
together. Honestly, so cool so cool - [IAN silences him with one hand.
DOMINIC closes his mouth, still staring at IAN.]
IAN: [to VIGGO] Mr. Mortensen, I really hope that not everyone
is as giddy as this young hobbit here. I thought I encountered Jude Law's
fangirl. [VIGGO laughs appreciatively.]
VIGGO: Sir, please call me Viggo. The whole Mr. Mortensen thing is
just too official, too grand sounding. I'm just - you know - an unsuccessful
actor. [DOMINIC shakes his head, rebuffing VIGGO'S present
statement.]
IAN: Whatever you wish, Viggo. And I'm Ian. I don't think you can
make it any shorter.
DOMINIC: Well, we can try something like Ia. Nah, not cool enough.
How about Gandy?
VIGGO: [to DOM] But that's longer than Ian, dear.
DOMINIC: I know. [He smiles sheepishly. IAN raises his eyebrows.
We see ORLANDO BLOOM slowly edge out to the outside seat. He sits
4 rows behind DOMINIC. He is looking at VIGGO, who playfully
slaps DOMINIC on the knee.]
DOMINIC: Ow, Viggo, that hurt!
VIGGO: I'm sorry. Didn't mean it. [DOMINIC pouts.] Any way
I can make it up to you?
DOMINIC: [strikes the Thinker pose] Well… umm… I can think of something.
[IAN decides this is good time to pull out a magazine to read.] You
a poet right?
VIGGO: Among other things, yes.
DOMINIC: [in a seductive whisper] And what are those other things?
VIGGO: [flipping his silky hair over his shoulder] Well, there's me
as an actor, me as an artist, me as a poet, and [he drops his voice to a
sexy whisper] me as a - [He takes a dramatic pause. ORLANDO catches
his breath. DOMINIC, with a smile, is looking at VIGGO with a "fiery"
gaze] - father. [IAN chuckles behind the magazine. ORLANDO
sighs loudly. DOMINIC collapses into fits of laughter.]
DOMINIC: I forgot about that one. [At this moment, PETER JACKSON
finally comes on the bus followed by JOHN RHYS-DAVIES and ELIJAH
WOOD. The two actors make it all the way to the back. PETER JACKSON
remains in the front about to address the actors.]
Tune in to our next episode, where Viggo decides that the other members of
the cast are available too.