by YMG
Act I, Scene I
A country road.
A tree.
Merry, sitting on a low mound, is trying to take off his boot. He pulls at
it with both hands, panting. He gives up, exhausted, rests, tries again.
As before.
Enter Pippin.
Merry: Nothing to be done.
Pippin: (skipping up to Merry) You know Merry, I'm beginning
to come round to that opinion.
Merry: The struggle ...
Pippin: Aye, the struggle, Merry. Tis good seein' ya lad, I though
ya were goin' forever.
Merry: Yes Pip, me too.
Pippin: Well then, let me embrace you!
Merry: Now's not the time, Pip. I'm all worn out, can't ya tell?
Pippin: No, no, sorry mate, couldn't tell a bit.
Merry: Aye, I slept out here, I did.
Pippin: Merry! Out here did ya say? Did they beat you?
Merry: Aye. At least, I think so Pip, but after all, I was pretty
pissed.
Pippin: Aye ... same lot, was it?
Merry: Not sure. Doesn't matter though, does it? Canna help me for
a sec?
Pippin: What's it, Merry?
Merry: My boot.
Pippin: Boots must be taken off every day.
Merry: Yes, Pippin, I know. You tell me every day. And every day the
bloody thing's stuck!
Pippin: It hurts?
Merry: Oi, it hurts, he asks? Carse it hurts you fool! (finally gets
it off) Ach!
Pippin: How's it, Merry?
Merry: Swelling visibly, thank you.
Pippin: No problem Merry. Obliged to help.
Merry: For Valars' sake ... let's get out of here, Pip.
Pippin: But we can't Merry.
Merry: Why not?
Pippin: We're waiting for Frodo. We promised, we did.
Merry: Ah ... right you are, Pippin.
Pippin: That's right. They said to me, "Peregrine" he said, "Stay
there, right by the tree."
Merry: That tree, then?
Pippin: Aye that tree.
Merry: What sort of a tree d'ya think it is, mate?
Pippin: I dunnae. A willow, I suppose from all the drooping and
things.
Merry: Aye. But where're the leaves, then? Looks dead to me.
Pippin: Nah, 's not dead. It's just weepin'. Or pinin'.
Merry: Looks more like a bush to me, Pippin.
Pippin: A shrub maybe.
Merry: A bush, I said. But supposing it is a bush. Or a shrub. Does't
mean we're in the wrong place then?
Pippin: Was it not here we were yesterday?
Merry: Were we here yesterday then? I can't remember.
Pippin: Drinking again? Can't say I blame you. He did said Saturday.
Merry: Isn't it Friday? Or Sunday maybe?
Pippin: I'm sure it's Saturday. We were here before and they said
it was a Friday.
Merry: But what if it is Sunday? If he's come already, he's sure not
to come again. I'm leaving.
Pippin: Merry! No!
Merry: Oi, you never let me sleep Pippin.
Pippin: I'm lonely.
Merry: Oh sod off. I'm bored!
Pippin: Why don't we steal some veggies, then?
Merry: That's no good! We'll get caught now. After last time.
Pippin: I can't remember last time. But at least we'd die on a full
stomach. What more can a humbly hobbit hope for?
Merry: I suppose. But you go first.
Pippin: But you're braver, Merry. Much , much braver than I.
Merry: But you're smaller. He wouldn't see you as well.
Pippin: I hadn't thought of that. But I don't want to go first.
Merry: Then let's not go at all.
Pippin: I suppose. Wha'd'ya think he'd say if we did leave then?
Merry: Who, Pippin?
Pippin: Frodo.
Merry: Who care about Frodo? Why are we waiting here anyway? What
was he bringing again?
Pippin: I can't remember. But it was very important.
Merry: Yes, I do seem to recall that. So we'll wait?
Pippin: I think so, Merry. It's the normal thing.
Merry: of course.
Pippin: (jumping into Merry's arms) Merry! Merry!
Merry: What's wrong, Pippin?
Pippin: D'ya hear that, Merry?
Merry: Nae, Pippin. Nothing.
Pippin: I thought I heard'em. I thought I did. Did I?
Merry: No, Pip. (Pippinssits down on the ground)Y'know this
waiting has made me desperately hungry. Y'haven't any food abouts yerself,
have ya?
Pippin: No, no I don't.
Merry: Didn't think so, mate.
Pippin: But I've got a carrot.
Merry: Oh. That's it?
Pippin: I might have some turnips.
Merry: Just give me the carrot then? (takes a bite) Pippin.
This is a turnip!
Pippin: Aye, so it is, so it is. I could have sworn it was a carrot
though, Merry. Perhaps if I were to look for the turnip I would find a carrot
there instead?
Merry: Aye.
Pippin: Wait, I have it. No more after that, though.
Merry: So what was it you were saying again?
Pippin: I've forgotten now. That's what annoys me.